Gratitude

“You asked for a child, and there she is. You have her!” my husband would always tell me this when I complain of not having energy to get out of the house and do any activities with her. 
I am beyond grateful and I am reminded how faithful God is when the little one came after being told by my doctor that I can’t conceive. 
Today, is her last day of summer since school will be tomorrow. My body and mind is set to stay in the house and to accomplish what’s on my to-do-list. But she wants to have fun. 
Life as we all know is not always about us. It is hard but I learn to be flexible, manage my time, manage to smile and watch my attitude when my plan is interrupted. 
I was cranky at first, while planning and looking where we can go today. 
When she came to me, and said, “Thank you Mama for thinking of me,” it just crushed my heart in a good way. 
Switching off negative attitude results gratitude. 
I am not giving credit to myself but it is good to think of the ones you love first amidst a list of household chores because there should be great memories (at least try the best we can) in every moment that this life brings us. 

Blessings to all the Mama’s and Papas!

And the world is passing away along with its desires, but whoever does the will of God abides forever. 1 John 2:17 

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The Feeling of Being Deserving To Be Fired As A Mom

I cried and I thought I deserve to get fired as a mom at least that moment, that day.

I felt terrible.

My husband and I beside each other while I was “recording” that moment. Photo credit to my friend.

I can’t believe I misclick the right button to record our daughter’s piano recital performance. I did notice the absence of a “red dot” and the word “rec” on my camera screen. But I continue holding up my camera and watch her play thru live view.

She looked beautiful. “Hip” with her cowboy boots matched with teal lacy dress. She sat gracefully and hands perfect on the baby grand piano. She played, Minuet and Trio. She had great timing.

I heard “wows” and “nice” whispers around when she finished. She did marvelous. She received a warm applause after her great performance.

When I checked my camera I realized that I failed to record it. I miss the whole performance. I was very disappointed and so was my husband. It felt worst when he said, “You’re fired being a mom”.

I watched the whole show and soon I had to leave for work.

I cried on my way to work. I cried while at work.

Photo captured by my friend. Grateful

I am so thankful for my friend who took this photo.

I wanted it documented. I love to keep memories and look back into it someday; also it would be nice for her to see herself on stage and realize how great she is after all those moments when she would like to quit.

I thought, the “wows” and “nice” compliments and applause from the background would prove that she did great; and inspire her to keep playing, learning and have fun with piano.

But all I had planned did not work . I failed and I need to forget about it while I was working. I couldn’t move on.

There must be something wrong with me, I thought. I prayed about it to settle my heart.

On Psalms 30:3 it says, “For His anger is but for a moment; His favor is for life; weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning.”

I may be weird but I grab my Bible when I am really sad even for simple situations that bothers me. I always find comfort in God’s word. It sounds crazy considering that it was just about missing the right button.

As I was thinking and writing my journal I remember every detail of that day. Everything about her. I think she was nervous. She sat with us in the audience before the show started and I watched her playing her fingers against her piano book; she was probably practicing. If she was stressed, she handled it wonderfully. She played with no mistakes and memorized her piece. She did what she was expected to do. She got it right. (See, if I did not miss the right button, I could have it recorded and insert it here as a proof.)

The next day, she told us she was nervous and she actually was nauseated. “That feeling”, according to her Dad, “makes you stronger because you did a great job.” My husband called it “adrenaload”.

I realized I did not miss that moment. I watched and listen her play. I am grateful to be there and very proud how she did; and I can’t be fired as a mom just because I miss the right button.

She may remember that I forgot to record her show but I know our daughter; I know she is more grateful that I was there.

I realized life is more than a click of our devices. Gadgets are made for convenience or for keeping and documenting memories we created. Sometimes it can be life’s distraction.

Memories are made with our time and presence. It is made with a desire to live that certain moment. It is made by heart.

“How do you think people survive long long time ago without high tech gadgets?”, my husband’s statement to calm me down.

Failures can appear unexpectedly in every situation. It makes me uncomfortable.  It can rob my joy but not for long.  God is gracious enough to remind me not to dwell on it.

I was sad that her grandma who is thousands miles away won’t see how she did; but there is a lot of it coming. There is going to be more recital coming; she’s only 8 years old for goodness sake.

There is more to life to  focus on and be grateful for. There is going to be a lot of mistakes, tears, and pain that I will go through. A lot of learning. A lot of patience. A lot of love. A lot of healing.  I will forever experience all these because I am a mother. My seat will stay and I am blessed to be in this position; and I will never get fired. I love being a mom and everything that goes with it.

Imagine how difficult life would be for our children if the rule is getting mothers fired when we miss the right button. Thankfully, it does not work that way.

 Finally brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of a good report — if there is any virtue and if there is any praise — think on these things. Philippinas 4:8

See You Tomorrow

I told some of my friends that I would love to write a children’s book; but tonight I wrote a poem instead.I choose the tittle See You Tomorrow because it sounds very positive that kids can actually be great friends not only on their first meeting; and gives the new kid in the block something (hope) to look forward to the next day.

See You Tomorrow

Boys and girls make some friends,

Say hi to him, give her a wave.

Smile is free, give it away

It is better than a penny.

She is new, please don’t ignore

Let her come in

Open the door.

It’s more fun when you’re not alone

When you can talk,

Play and walk and

Share a laugh with someone.

Don’t take his lunch,

His only brunch,

Ask nicely to enjoy a crunch.

Remember your please and thank you,

Wish her a good day,

“See you tomorrow”.

You made a friend,

Today, someone is happy,

It is easy,

It did not cost you a penny.

All you need is a smile,

A simple hi,

And a great heart

To live by.

– Chelle G. _-

She Is Not Just A “Have-To-Do” Part Of The Day

Just like other mothers, I have my routine at home.

Every morning, during school days, I would wake her up fifteen minutes before the real time she get out of bed. Her clothes are ready for school, laid on the foot-board of her bed. Her toothbrush and toothpaste too, as well as water and mouthwash. This is our morning routine. When she gets up, all she need to do is get clean, and put her clothes on and head to the kitchen for breakfast.

Often times she will say, “I love you, Mama”, and I am very grateful and privileged. I think she feel the same way by expressing her love. This makes me realize that our short time in the morning is more than just a routine.

She is not just a “have-to-do” part of the day.

She looks at me as a mom. She sees a mother’s job is hard and  important. She reminds me that I am strong, she seeks for my help. She calls for me.  She teaches me humility when I do wrong. She shows appreciation having her underwear ready, socks being matched, outfits are laid, help to fix her bed is given and her piece of toast smelling good in the kitchen is waiting for her.

She gives me hugs and kisses.

She tells me she loves me and sometimes I fail to acknowledge it because I am so caught up with other things to do.

I am not patting my shoulder by saying all these. But maybe these are few things that our kids really wanting us to notice in them, when they verbalize their love and affection. These are probably what they want us to hear when we are in the middle of “running-out-of-time”, in a hurry or when we feel like they are “getting in our nerves”.

I strive to be patient, to have the right attitude when things get rough. I get worn out too. I sometimes think, it would be easier to get things out-of-the-way away as soon as I can according to what I planned; and move on to the next.

Motherhood is not a perfect boat to sail. The wind may take me to a different direction, but I can’t let her move along. She is part of me and we’ll sail together; and ask God to be the wind.

Yes, it really is good when I can have my alone time as soon as she gets on the school bus.

But at the end of the day, it is darn greater good when she hop off the bus, climb on you and tells you, “I love you, Mama”.

Psalms 127:3 Children are a gift from the Lord; they are a reward from him.

Time Well Spent, Great Memories Created

DSC_0589We visit our family in the Phillippines every after two years. It gives me a lot of time to prepare. I keep a list of things that we wanna do, stuff that we need to take with us, and documents. This way, it won’t be too stressful to think and try to remember everything. The list is all I need to check if everything is covered.

Of course, I never and  will never forget to take my camera with me. I must have it when we go places especially to this country, where I was born and raised, went to college, got my first job and where I experienced a lot of traveling. I was not into photography and blogging then.

Venezuela Clan Family Reunion Jan. 2014

So, when we were vacationing I realize I did not take any pictures of my family that looks professionally done. It was on my list to get beautiful portrait of my nieces and nephews, and a family picture with my mom and my siblings with their spouses.  All I got are snap shots. I have one family picture that somebody took during our family reunion. I am grateful for that, at least I got one.

I realized though that my daughter and I get to spent a lot of quality time with my family, considering that there were no shopping malls and restaurants to hang out with due to Super Typhoon Yolanda. We were able to stay home more, visit friends and family instead of going somewhere else.

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Tire Swing Inside The Hut During Rainy Days

The weather was not gracious. We were not that lucky to experience a lot of sunny days. We had four days of heat and humidity, and the rest were heavy rainy days. We could not  hop on a boat to cross the islands to visit other family members due to the typhoon.

There were lots of moments I wish I were quick enough to seal it with a click of my camera. I regretted that I forgot to take a picture of me and my close friend. We were classmates in high school until college. I could have a great souvenir. I could have ask my brother to take a picture of myself with the orphanage’s administrator. I did not think that the later would be valuable to show my friends where their monetary contribution went.

My Mom with her grand kids and my siblings

I know that time being shared together is more important than getting perfect images of your love ones.  I agree that photos helps you remember those simple moments – snap shots are okay though. It does not have to be professionally done.

I realized I get to talk to my mom a lot, had karaoke in the house, cook and ate Filipino dishes that I don’t normally make here (USA), washed the dishes for her, clean her house, ride the tricycle almost everyday, go with her to doctor’s appointment and lab work, took her and the family for a one day tour around Leyte and stop at a resort, went to the cemetery to visit my Dad’s tomb, hosted a grand family reunion (not just my mom’s immediate family but the clan). We did a lot of things I would say. These may seem not a lot of fun but the time we had, I am so grateful. The memory and most importantly the joy of being around with my family is all that matters. I lived with them all my life and moved here in the USA, so when I get the opportunity to go home I try to enjoy the best that I can.  It does not have to be picture perfect. As what my husband would tell me, “Get A Life”! He meant, it’s okay to put my camera down so I won’t miss the most important part of life – human connection and the “NOW” moment.

I think, the only way to have a perfect image of life is when you spend it with the ones you love. When you are able to give your time, it is when you can create a moment and that becomes a memory. A perfect image you can keep.

Visited these elder couple – Lolo Simpoy and Lola Rosie.

My Auntie Nancy and her husband, Uncle Deo. Mary Val, their daughter holding Coco

My Uncle Yongyong’s family.

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New Year’s Eve De. 31, 2013 at my mom’s house. Yummy roasted pig.

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Happy toothless when she realized she looks like her cousin, Jehu. She gave her tooth to Lola Nita (my mom) as a souvenir. This little girl doesn’t believe on Tooth Fairy, so she did not get a penny.

She learned to roll an old tire on the streets after she observed how kids enjoy it as their toy.

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Played with Lola Nita

Crafts with Kuya Ariz, Kuya Jehu and Juria